


boys and toys

by MissMairin



Series: college shenanigans [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Multi, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Toy Stores, but what did you expect lol, honestly they're just being dorks tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 02:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5810662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMairin/pseuds/MissMairin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>picking out a present for oikawa's nephew is significantly more difficult than it really should be, but that's not totally surprising. especially considering the people dispatched for the mission were kuroo and bokuto. This really couldn't go well...</p><p>[aka: bokuto and kuroo mess around in a toy store. who says college students are adults??? bc they're fuckin' wrong]</p>
            </blockquote>





	boys and toys

**Author's Note:**

> this is so dumb but i couldnt get the idea out of my head especially the lightsaber part lmfao i actially laughed writing this i hope u guys enjoy  
> they're such the epitome of the bro-code i cannot Believe  
> DAICHI IS EXASPERATED AND OIKAWA IS A DRAMA QUEEN that actually kind of loves his room mates  
> also i kept listening to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWgVgBmjDro during writing and honestly it helped so much u should listen too.

“Hey, bro, remind me why we’re here again,” Kuroo complained, staring at the huge toy store in front of them. The place was  _ gigantic _ and, quite honestly, he was kind of scared that they would get lost. He would get lost with Bokuto and they would try to survive by cooking using the toy ovens, but ultimately, starve and die. A tragic death, honestly. His tombstone would read  _ I Got Lost at a Toy Store _ . He didn’t know what was worse, the inscription, or the fact the tombstone next to him would say the  _ same goddamn thing.  _

 

A tear came to his eye.

 

Bokuto paused next to him, checking his phone. They were both wary of the store, and hung out in front for a while, making up excuses not to go inside. Kuroo just hoped no one would call the cops on them. They did kind of look suspicious, to be fair. Two grown-ass men hanging out in front of a toy store. 

 

Kuroo debated calling the cops himself.

 

“We’re here ‘cause we’re amazing friends and Oikawa is lucky to have us,” Bokuto finally answered, loud and always an over-exaggeration. Nothing new there. Reading the text from Oikawa out loud, he explained, “He begged us to come here,  _ and I quote _ , ‘pleaseplease _ please _ go buy a toy for Takeru!!! I’ll even pay for it! xoxo’ and so on. Then he went on to say that it was all his mom’s fault, how she conveniently forgot to tell him they were coming in for Takeru’s birthday. I didn’t even know he  _ had _ a nephew.” 

 

Kuroo looked at him like he was stupid. Oikawa had mentioned  _ at least  _ a thousand times, if not a million times, that he had a nephew. He was always bragging that Takeru would be the best at volleyball because he just had the  _ most amazing  _ teacher. They had  _ met _ the little brat, for god’s sake. Bokuto felt the stare and looked up, instantly defensive, “ _ What _ ?”

 

“Nothing. Let’s go. You know Daichi is gonna kill us if we come home empty handed.  _ Especially  _ if we’re in charge of someone else’s money. Even if it  _ is _ Oikawa’s money,” Kuroo said, the automatic doors opening, and they walked inside. In the store, he stopped mid step to turn to Bokuto, a mischievous smile on his face. He stage-whispered, “You think he’ll notice if we buy more than he said we were allowed? He _ did _ give us his card, after all.” 

 

“Of course he’ll notice,” Bokuto scoffed, rolling his eyes. So  _ maybe _ he wasn’t as stupid as he pretended to be. Kuroo knew that, but  _ damn _ , he could be an idiot sometimes. Bokuto continued, “Oikawa notices  _ everything _ . The other day, I took  _ one  _ double stuffed oreo from his secret stash, and replaced it with a regular stuffed oreo. He found out and yelled at me within ten minutes. He’s got a crazy sort of sixth sense, you know. That’s why he was always so damn good at volleyball. He watches people. It’s frickin’ creepy, bro.”

 

Kuroo laughed. He remembered that. Bokuto had looked like a little kid on the brim of tears being yelled at by an older brother. It had been hilarious. The two men began to walk through the toy store, hoping something popped out at them that Takeru would like. 

 

“ _ You’re _ creepy! Your eyes literally look like they belong to an owl. Do you remember that one time you scared the shit out of me?” Kuroo asked, gesturing wildly. Bokuto looked confused, like he really  _ didn’t _ remember. Kuroo sighed as they passed up the barbies and explained. “It was one of the first nights we had as roommates, and I had gone to bed. You came into my room and all I could see was these two fucking  _ glowing orbs _ in the middle of my room. I still have nightmares about --”

 

Bokuto’s eyes went wide, and he clamped a hand over Kuroo’s mouth. He looked around dramatically and wailed, “Don’t say the f-word! We’re at a toy store. There are  _ kids _ here! Kids, bro! We can’t be going around and ruining their sweet, sweet, innocence!”

 

“ _ What _ innocence?” Kuroo demanded, pointing at a little boy. The boy had shoved a little girl out of the way to get the newest Star Wars action figure. Instead of crying, the little girl got back up and hit him with a lightsaber. The boy cried. “They don’t have any innocence!”

 

They watched as the two kids fought back and forth, until their mom called them and they grumbled, walking to catch up with their mother. Kuroo turned to Bokuto, a wide grin spreading on his face. They darted to pick up a lightsaber, and Kuroo was reminded exactly why Bokuto was his best friend. 

 

“ _ En garde _ !” Bokuto yelled, jumping into the well-known fencing stance. Kuroo mimicked him, and pressed the button to turn on the lights and sound. It didn’t work. Well, okay. The toy probably didn’t have any batteries in it. Probably because what was happening happened way too often. “Ready to get your ass -- I mean -- butt kicked?”

 

“Bring it on, bro, you’re going down.”

 

Kuroo smirked and darted forward, playfully slashing at Bokuto, who parried with a grin.  _ Wuahhmph, wuahhmph.  _ Bokuto swished his lightsaber back and forth, making the noise. He stabbed forward at Kuroo.

 

_ Wuahhmph. _

 

Kuroo stepped back, pausing their sword fight, and looked at his friend weird. He held up a hand for a time out. “What are you even doing, Bokuto?”

 

“It’s no fun if you don’t do the sound effects, bro!” Bokuto said, looking absolutely scandalized. Like, how  _ dare _ his friend question his sword fighting skills? Unbelievable. What kind of friend…  “You gotta do the sound effects!”

 

“Okay, okay, you’re right,” Kuroo relented. 

 

He put his hand down again, showing the time-out was over.  _ Wuahhmph, wuahhmph.  _ They continued their sword fight -- both of them making the sounds -- for several minutes. Kuroo had lost a leg and an arm, and Bokuto had accidentally cut his own head off. He had been about to whine about how it was an accident and it didn’t count,  _ c’mon Kuroo, let’s keep going _ , until a store employee showed up out of nowhere. Kuroo yelped and quickly put the toy lightsaber away. He pulled Bokuto away before they could be yelled at and kicked out of the store. 

 

God knows Oikawa would have killed them. They both knew they couldn’t show their faces back at their apartment until they brought home a toy. Daichi would probably side with Oikawa, just because he was a cranky old man. Then where would they be? Out of a warm home and Suga’s leftovers, that’s where. Kuroo couldn’t survive on the streets. He and Bokuto were too pretty for that lifestyle. 

 

The two men found themselves by all the stuffed animals. Bokuto brightened up immediately, picking a giant teddy bear, and stuffed his face into the fake fur. Kuroo glanced around, looking for something that Takeru wouldn’t totally hate. He saw a stuffed tiger, with big teeth and an obnoxious smile. Shrugging, he picked up the toy. 

 

“HEY!!! I’M TARZ, THE TIGER, NICE TO MEET --” 

 

Kuroo slammed the toy back down, darting away, and pretended to look surprised. Oh, wow, that toy randomly made a sound and it wasn’t his fault. Nope. Not him. Someone must have accidentally touched the tiger. Definitely not Kuroo, though. He didn’t even  _ like _ tigers. 

 

A kid eyed up him suspiciously, but didn’t say anything.

 

_ Damn right, brat. Keep your thoughts to yourself. _

 

The same store employee came up behind the kid. Kuroo put on a fake smile to save his sorry ass, and he pulled Bokuto away again. Without watching where they were going, they ended up in the barbie section again. Bokuto gasped. He pointed at one of those giant barbie doll cars that kids can actually sit in and drive. 

 

“I want one.”

 

“What? No. Those are for kids. You would break it.”

 

“So? I still want one.”

 

“Bro. No. Just… no.”

 

“Well fu -- frick you, too, then.”

 

The roommates eventually split up, determined to find a present suitable for Takeru. All they knew about the kid was he wasn’t a little kid anymore, especially now that they were all in college. Oikawa had said his nephew loved dolls when he was younger, but that was obviously in the past. 

 

In short, they had no fucking clue. 

 

Kuroo wandered around the puzzle area for a bit, but nothing jumped out at him. When he was Takeru’s age, he had been all about volleyball and messing with Kenma outdoors. There weren’t any toys in this store that would be agreeable with Takeru. If anything, they needed to go to a video game store or a sports store. Not a little kid’s toy store.

 

Even if the place  _ was _ kind of cool. 

 

“BOO!” A voice yelled at the top of their lungs. A person in a quite freaky looking mask jumped out at Kuroo. He screamed, punching the person in the chest. Kuroo was about to run away and hide until he recognized the whine of pain. Bokuto. That dipshit. “Bro, how could you do that to me? Ow… That’s gonna bruise…”

 

He changed his mind. This place fucking  _ sucked. _

 

“You tried to scare me!”

 

“Yeah, obviously! But that doesn’t mean you should  _ punch _ me!”

 

Kuroo scoffed and rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms and glared at Bokuto, who just dissolved into giggles. “Okay, but I punched you for self defense. Not because I wanted to. Although, I do kind of want to punch you again.”

 

“Please don’t,” Bokuto whined, holding his arms against his chest for defense -- just in case. If Kuroo really wanted to beat him up, Bokuto was a goner. Bokuto smiled happily at Kuroo, flashing his dimples and tilted his head. Acting cute  _ always  _ got him out of trouble. Hopefully it did this time, too. When Kuroo rolled his eyes again, Bokuto knew he was in the clear.  _ Score!  _ Bokuto grinned. “I love you, bro. No homo.”

 

“No homo?”

 

“Well, a little bit of homo.”

 

The store employee showed up at Kuroo’s side, and he screamed again. What the hell was up with people trying to scare him all the time? He knew he was a scaredy cat, but this was frankly insulting… The man looked angry, and Kuroo knew they were screwed. 

 

Bokuto smiled at the store employee and pulled his cute act.

 

It didn’t work.

 

“I’m going to need you two gentlemen to leave, please,” the employee drawled, a horribly fake smile on his face. “You’re disrupting the peace with all your screaming and horsing around. Also, we prefer it if you kept it G-rated here, which obviously, you two didn’t.”

 

Bokuto groaned and shoved Kuroo.

 

“I told you we weren’t supposed to cuss here!”

 

“This isn’t my fault! You’re the one who kept making me scream! This is on you, bro, not me!”

 

“GENTLEMEN!”

 

The two men were quiet immediately. They looked at the employee sheepishly. Bokuto handed the mask to the man and they bowed, apologizing. They turned to leave. Empty handed. 

 

Bokuto sighed, “Let’s just buy him some knee pads and a water bottle.”

 

“Yeah. We can’t get into too much trouble there, right?”

 

They can, and they did. 

 

* * *

 

 

Later that day:

 

“Hey, welcome back,” Daichi said, not even looking up from his magazine. He had a lot of practice ignoring the rest of his roommates. He lived with the three most annoying men, ever. The skill was practically for his survival. “Did you guys get Takeru a toy? Oikawa’s been freaking out all day. He nearly dislocated his knee again from cleaning too much.”

 

Kuroo winced. He knew that was a tender subject for Oikawa. For him to go through so much just for a birthday party, Oikawa must have been really stressed. Luckily for him, though, he had the best friends he could ever ask for!

 

“Yeah, we got him some volleyball stuff,” Bokuto explained, dropping the bag onto the table. They were such great friends, they even put the presents into a nice bag. So what if it was a Christmas bag? It was still decorative. Oikawa couldn’t be that picky, could he?

 

“THAT IS A CHRISTMAS BAG, YOU IDIOTS!” Oikawa screeched, the second he saw the hideous present. That damn sixth sense. There was no way he could have known the two men were back, and yet, here he was, in the kitchen with the rest of his room mates. His sixth sense must have picked up on the fashion disaster that was the bag. Oikawa paced back and forth, a hand on his forehead. “I honestly don’t know what I expected when I went you two out. God, what did you even  _ get  _ him?”

 

Yes, he could be that picky, apparently. 

 

“He’s such a drama queen,” Bokuto whispered to Kuroo, and they giggled. “We got him some nice knee pads for volleyball and a new water bottle. We’re not  _ completely  _ useless.”

 

Oikawa stared at the two men for a second, thinking. He sighed, a smile creeping onto his face. Those idiots had grown on him, that was for sure. “Well, maybe not completely useless. Just a little bit. But do we really not have anything besides a Christmas decorated bag?”

 

“I got you,” Daichi drawled, lifting a birthday themed bag onto the table with one hand. He was still even reading his magazine. Incredible. Just incredible. “I got it from Suga when I told him who you put in charge of getting the present.”

 

“Tell Suga I love him.”

 

“Will do.”

 

“Can you tell Suga I love him too?” Bokuto asked.

 

Kuroo smirked and chimed in, “Me too, me too! Tell him I love him more than all of you combined! I will fight any and all of you for Suga’s hand in marriage. None of you are worthy of such a sassy angel like him.”

 

Daichi scowled. This is what he got for living with these three. It was a constant horror. He knew he should never have told them he was dating Suga. But even if he hadn’t, they would have found out eventually. 

 

“Oh Sugar-bear, I  _ looooove you _ !!!”

 

He needed new friends.

 

 


End file.
